The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Randomize
