Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
