I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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