Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
