hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
The air was thick with penises
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
