DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
