Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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