We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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