just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
