i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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