hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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