Your tits are I can't wait for
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
They are going to name an STD after you.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
