somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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