she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
