i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
