now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
