Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Randomize
