I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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