Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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