Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
