She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
