I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
