white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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