Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Houston, we have a squirter
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
