If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
