How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
