So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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