The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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