Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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