She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
