it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
