Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
