1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
