sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
