It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
