i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
