I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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