he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
