i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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