She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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