shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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