if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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