Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
