I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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