She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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