That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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