Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
