ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
