so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
