My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
