i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
