Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
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