Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
