as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
