She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
