Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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