yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I accidentally had phone sex last night
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
