We won't sleep together?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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