She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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