I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
