You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
