I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
