Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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